The view from Sugarloaf

A year ago, I created a DC bucket list for my fifth year here, as a I celebrated my fourth anniversary of moving to the city. Below is the original list with the items I’ve completed crossed off. So I still have the remaining items to check off, and I’ve also added a few more things I want to do as I embark on my sixth year in DC. Thanks to all who have joined me in my bucket list adventures (and sorry to those that I haven’t yet arranged something with!) – I’m now accepting rolling offers to complete the rest and ideas to add to it! This year I will be much more diligent; I learned my lesson from the 11 things by 11/11/11 journey. And check out my Top 11 of 2011 for a short recap of what happened in my fifth year.

Must Do for Year 5

• Go to the top of the Washington Monument
• Eat at Art & Soul
• Visit Ben’s Chili Bowl (I’ve only had it at Nats Stadium)
• Attend a Caps game
• See a concert at Verizon Center
• Hike the Sugarloaf trail (thanks, Kim!)
  
• Visit Mt. Vernon
• Visit the Library of Congress
• Visit the Supreme Court
• Run the Capital Crescent trail
• Do a night monument tour  (technically complete as I did a night run around the Mall.)
• See a full show at the Kennedy Center (only saw a Millennium Stage show once)
• See a play at the Shakespeare Theater  (ahh- I came so close to this!)
• Eat at Ray’s Hell Burger
• Visit the botanical garden
• Visit all the museums that I’ve missed so far
• Visit the National Archives

In addition to the yet-to-do above, here are some new ones for the list for year 6:

• See a show at the 9:30 Club
• Go ice skating in the sculpture garden
• Attend a DC United game
• Eat at all the Jose Andres restaurants that I haven’t covered yet
• Eat at Old Ebbitt Grill
• Fly a kite on the Mall
• Visit the Goethe Institut
• Attend an embassy event

I have my work cut out for me! Thanks DC for another great year, and I look forward to another amazing one!

Photo credit: spuddybuddies.com

When we are feeling rejected by someone or something, it’s easy to get down on ourselves and come up with all the reasons why it happened to us. It’s easy to try to rationalize someone else’s actions or decisions or find ways to defend them, even if they hurt us. It’s also common for us to settle for something less than great because we just want to feel accepted or appreciated, no matter the costs.

But we deserve better. You deserve better. I deserve better.

Think about it: a friend isn’t exactly being a good friend – they never call you back, they always have an excuse, maybe they failed to recognize some major moments in your life lately. You say, “Well, but they’re busy,” or “But they usually are a good friend.” Or perhaps you went on a few dates with someone, and started to get interested, and then they lie about something, or lead you on to think it’s something more. “Well, but they’re a nice guy/girl,” or “I should have known better.” Maybe a family member has continued to let you down over the years, but because they’re family, you let it slide.

We shouldn’t let it slide, anymore. What happened to honesty being the best policy? What happened to our friends being that – good friends? What about family who is supposed to be there for you instead of against you?

It’s in my blood to want closure when things don’t work out with people in my life, whether it’s friends, boyfriends, family members, or even coworkers. I want to get it all on the table, I want apologies said where necessary, I want to hug or shake hands and be able to move on. I hate just letting things go without clearing the air, but because of that, I also tend to give people a lot of second and third, maybe fourth and fifth chances. There are some people in my life I’ve given way too many passes, and it’s bitten me in the butt in return.

But then my lovely friend K reminds me that I deserve better. She says I’m too hard on myself. She tells me that when something doesn’t work with a guy, it’s because he’s not the guy for me, and that it’s not about me. She urges me to not deal with people who don’t want to put in the effort, who don’t appreciate me in the way I deserve to be appreciated. And it’s not because I’m more special than anyone else, or deserve more than anyone else, but it’s because I deserve the same things, really, that you deserve: respect, and honesty, and integrity, and love, and time. Because I’m a woman who lives and loves just like everyone else, with dreams, and goals, and good days and bad days, and because I should get something in return from my relationships, like we all want and need.

Remind yourself what you deserve. Remind others what you deserve and ask for it. It’s like I said before, if you want something, you have to go after it, and this is just as important as anything else. And don’t forget to give others what they deserve, too.

Photo credit: abqjournalfit.com

No Excuses isn’t just the theme of this season of The Biggest Loser (although it did inspire me to cement it as my mantra this year). It’s a choice, it’s a lifestyle, an instruction guide to achieving your goals and dreams. Moreover, it’s not just about fitness, although I’m using it as strong motivation in that arena – it’s a reminder to not let anything stop you from getting to your end goal – whether it’s that new job, landing a date with someone you’re interested in, learning a new skill, or quitting a bad habit.

We’re well aware of the excuses. No time. No money. Too afraid. I might fail. They don’t like me. Not skinny enough, not tall enough. Not good enough, smart enough, athletic enough.

Well, enough is enough. It’s time to throw out the excuses and pull out all the other idioms (get back on the horse, get back on track, take a leap) that basically mean, get your act together and make something happen for yourself.

You want a promotion? Take initiative on a project and blow it out of the water. Tell your boss why you deserve a chance to go bigger and better.

You want to lose weight? Get off the couch, and start working up a sweat.

You want to eat more healthfully? Buy some fruit and vegetables, and turn down the fries at the happy hour now and then. Drink water or soda or something else instead of alcohol here and there.

You want to go on more dates? Ask people on dates. Be dateable. Make the move. Bring something to the table. Tell someone you’re interested.

You want to learn something new? Sign up for a class. It can be online, offline, alone, with a group, whatever. Read a book on it, watch a video. Just start practicing.

You want to save more money? Talk to a financial planner, make a budget, eat out less and cook more, cut down on the shopping. Start a ROTH IRA and put money into your employer’s retirement fund.

You want to travel? Figure out where you want to go, and book the trip. If you can’t find anyone to go with you, go alone. It will change your life. The money will be worth it, so will the time.

And so it goes on. I’ve talked about this before – you are the only one standing in the way of your own happiness, and your own success. Everything is a choice. From the moment you get up to the moment you go to bed, it’s your choice what you do, what you eat, who you hang out with, who you choose to love and let love you (yes, really), and where you go. Stop making excuses. Just make something happen.

P.S. What are you doing in 2012 to live a #noexcuses life? Let me know on twitter @cajunjen.

Into the unknown of 2012

Millions of people are writing this very same post, or will soon. Resolutions, goals, aspirations, to-dos, whatever you want to call them, we all have them. Many will not write them down or say them out loud, but they are spoken in hearts and minds, in dreams, and in prayers. And many will have similar items on their lists: to lose weight and exercise more, to eat more healthfully and to eat out less, to learn new skills and say good riddance to bad habits.

Be that as it may, our lists are sprinkled with some personal to-dos, and each has a reason for its inclusion that’s special only to the person who resolves to achieve it. So while I may want to learn Italian because I’m traveling there in 2012, someone else may want to be able to converse with their grandmother. You may see some of your own items on my list – let me know which ones we share in common! I wish everyone the best as they work towards their goals for 2012, and for life.

1.  Watch all Christopher Plummer movies
2.  Read some of the classic lit novels that have been sitting on my bookshelf for years
3.  Run a half marathon (committed to one in March); run at least five races total & set a new 10k PR
4.  Take more chances; be fearless and leap into the unknown more
5.  Finish the quilt I started working on at age 11
6.  Learn to knit
7.  Buy a keyboard and start playing again
8.  Learn basic Italian
9.  Become fluent in German
10. Keep #GoodSpotting
11. Cook one new dish a week
12. Sign up to be a Girls on the Run buddy
13. Start yoga again and do it consistently (at least once a week)
14. Find a tennis partner
15. Volunteer at a food kitchen
16. Try again, and then walk away (if I’m not getting a response)
17. Cross off at least five items on my DC bucket list (I’ll have to ignore the original deadline of February)
18. Worry less, embrace “it is what it is” (one of my least favorite sayings)
19. Let go of broken and disappointing relationships & friendships
20. Go on a lot second dates

I could go on and on, but I think 20 is a good starting place. Here’s to a new year, new opportunities, and new experiences.

11. Celebrating the happy moments in my friends’ lives like new jobs, pregnancies, weddings, moves, and personal successes.

10.  Being on TV for Simply Leap’s Hug Tour.

9.  Doing cool things like attending my first Redskins game, my first (two) Caps games, sitting on my first (two) panels, attending Renaissance Festival, seeing Wicked again, seeing Tony Bennett perform, attending TEDXMidAtlantic, learning how to make sushi, hosting CajunFest, attending an event at the White House, and standing next to Denzel Washington.

8.  Setting new personal records for a 10k race, twice.

7.  Celebrating the weddings of dear friends from college back in Ohio: Liz & Jeff, and Katie & Kevin.

6.  Hearing the news that my uncle was elected St. James Parish President. A proud day for our family.

5.  Running my first 10 mile race, the Cherry Blossom.

4.  Being serenaded by my new team at work and gifted with a grab bag of 11 gifts; celebrating 27 years with friends over the course of a weekend.

3.  Visiting my parents at their new home San Diego (three times by the end of this year) and enjoying awe-inspiring scenery and gorgeous weather each time.

2.  Starting a new job at the Case Foundation: I love my work, my team, and I love making a difference every day.

1.  Zip-lining, surfing, and waterfall rappelling in Costa Rica, while meeting some amazing people, some of whom have become wonderful friends.

But it’s not always about doing big favors for people, or even spending hours listening to someone’s troubles. I’m talking about some of the basic, human needs that we all share – the ones that aren’t really that unique after all. The other day, a friend shared with me and another friend that he’d heard that people crave 13 hugs a day. 13! we both said in amazement. Sounds like a lot. But is it really? I thought about how in the course of one day, there are many moments when I wouldn’t turn down a hug, and when I really could use a hug, but I don’t just walk around my office asking for them – societal norms tell us that’s not really “appropriate.” (Although, ask a few of my coworkers and they’ll tell you that I HAVE asked them out of the blue for a hug before.) So in addition to us all wanting a bunch of hugs throughout the day, what else do we all need? Here are some of my guesses:

• A smile
• A pat on the back/arm for comfort
• Kind or encouraging words
• Reminders that we’re appreciated/loved/needed
• Hearing from someone that hasn’t checked in for awhile
• Laughter
• Something that gives us the warm fuzzies
• To be heard

These things aren’t that hard, and they don’t require a lot of time. We do these things without thinking about them many days, but sometimes, they might feel burdensome to dole out if we are in a bad mood. But just think about this: if you’re having a bad day, you need all the things above, so someone else has to take care of you. In return, you do the same when someone else is down. And filling someone’s needs often leads to more personal happiness and translates to our own needs being met. Recall how happy you made a friend when you dropped off hot food when they were sick, or when you took on a coworker’s task to lighten their load. If they were grateful and showed it, it probably made you feel even better about yourself, too.

We all have basic, human needs that need a little help being fulfilled. Let’s see if we can all help each other take care of them, and ourselves.

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Follow my friend @simplyleap on twitter if you need inspiration through her #takecaretuesdays.

Sugarloaf Hike: thanks Kim for helping me cross of an item for my DC 5th year bucket list AND my 11/11/11 list!

So, it’s finally here: 11/11/11.  I’ve made it a pretty big deal – the birthday piece of course, but also my list of 11 things by 11/11/11. Many of you have been a part of this little two-month experiment, either by sending me recipes, receiving my letters, or taking me to new places. Thank you to each of you — what good is growth and attaining happiness if you can’t do it with others?

And now for the big question — did I actually achieve my 11 things by 11/11/11? Here are the results:

1.   Try 11 new recipes.
I can’t remember all of them, but I’m pretty sure I’ve made more than 11 new things, whether they were recipes or impromptu ingredient mashups. Favorites were an apple crumble and a chicken and tomato crock pot creation.

2.   Give a handwritten note to 11 people.
I believe the number is about eight.

3.   Run at least 11 miles each week.
Some weeks this happened, many I wasn’t even close. I’m running a 10k on Sunday, so I’m feeling back on track.

4.   Write 11 blog posts.
Eh…only banged out five.

5.   Do something nice for 11 people.
I didn’t really do a good job at keeping track of this – but I’d say it happened – all the little things add up.

6.   Do/visit/eat at/try 11 different places, restaurants, or things to do.
Absolutely happened. Can’t even remember them all, but they were all fantastic! Seeing my first TEDX, going to Churchkey, hiked Sugarloaf…and lots of other things.

7.   Reach out to 11 people not expecting to hear from me.
Didn’t do this that well, but did make a few phone calls that were great!

8.   Read 11 books.
Somehow, I thought I would fly through this, but not so much. I read four books. Two of them I read in a day each, the other two I let drag out.

9.   Meet 11 new people.
Hmmm…I suppose this could be true from various meetups and things. I couldn’t name them all, though.

10. Learn 11 new things.
If you count random wikipedia lookups and all the things I read for work on a daily basis, then most definitely yes. But I didn’t learn anything new that was tangible, like knitting or skateboarding. This is probably one of the biggest things I want to work on.

11. Be happy with who I am.

So all in all – it was a fair shot, but nowhere near “successful” if I go by the raw numbers. But the bigger picture here is that #11 seems like it is contingent on the other 10 things, but it isn’t that straightforward. There are so many factors that contribute to our happiness, but as Gretchen Rubin realized for her First Splendid Truth: To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

That means there are good days, and bad days. That some things make us really happy, and some only moderately so. There are things that should make us happy, but all we can do is think about the things that make us sad. But to get to happiness, you’re constantly growing, and working toward things that you choose for you. For me, it’s reading more books, and cooking as much as I can, because those things make me feel the most at peace, the most me. It’s avoiding things and people that make me unhappy – not always an easy task, but within our control for the most part.

On 11/11/11, at 27 years old, I know that today isn’t really the deadline for this list and more – it’s just the start of the journey.

Photo credit: CardCow.com

Okay, maybe I’m fudging that a little. It is Halloween after all, and I admit that things like haunted houses and haunted trails and movies like The Ring or It scare me a little (The Birds is for the birds though – that one makes me laugh). But other than ghosts and chainsaws and headless horsemen, there are bigger, uglier, much scarier things out there — things that aren’t just a mask or a sheet or a really realistic looking head gash.

Things like…

…worrying I’ll never fall in love again, or that someone will fall in love with me.

…wondering if I’ll end my days alone.

…second-guessing my friendships and relationships every which way.

…questioning what my career path is and fearing that I’m missing something every time.

Some of these scary things may be on your list, too. Or maybe you’re thinking they’re not that scary — that I’m just a scaredy-cat. But we all have our own ghosts and things that scare us. They appear in the form of nightmares, in the fear of failure, in the way we handle the stresses in our lives, in the faces of the people that know us to the core and that don’t know us at all. They are around every corner, lurking, waiting to jump out at us and make us lose our breath and put a hand to our hearts to stop the pounding. They wake us in the night, forcing the lights on and few moments of deep breaths to calm down. They creep up in conversations with our friends, lovers, family, and coworkers, and they chase us in our dreams and never-ending to-do lists.

The things that scare me come more than just once a year on Halloween…they are a constant presence. And try as I might, a mantra “I ain’t ‘fraid of no ghosts” doesn’t always do the trick.

But sometimes, the things that scare us make us stronger. They remind us to look our fears in the face and laugh back — to say, I will love and be loved, I will find my passion and follow it, I will share my life with others. And then as the sun rises on a new day, the ghosts recede into the shadows, afraid of me, afraid that I will banish them once and for all…and I will.

Photo credit: theconsigliori.com

All of our lives, we’re pushed to place ourselves in a character type, a box of sorts to describe who we are. We take tests and quizzes to figure out if we’re introverts or extroverts, left-brained or right-brained, skilled or adaptable, safe or risky … the list goes on. The problem is, rarely are we one or the other — we’re usually a little of both, or many.

For instance, I can be spontaneous and adventurous at times, like when I decided on a whim to go skydiving my freshman year of college with two friends, when I moved to DC with no job and only knew one person here, when I abandon my homebody plans and stay out late on a Monday. But I can also be very routine and safe, cautious about spending money, needing plans in advance, etc. I can be a social butterfly and meet up with five different people in a week, and spout my everyday doings on Facebook and Twitter, but I can also crave alone time and turn my phone on silent or screen my calls and turn down offers to hang out.

I can want to be alone, but feel deeply, devastatingly lonely. I can want to be madly in love, with someone madly in love with me, who wants to spend every minute and every memory with me, but I can also pull back if someone gets too persistent too fast, and I feel smothered and annoyed.

What’s that middle ground, that thin slice of balance? How do I get there?

A friend and I had a discussion about our romantic pasts and our dreams for the future. We’re both feeling the itch — to figure out where do we go next, to find who it will be with. We wondered what the universe was holding back from us and why — and more importantly, how can we stop ourselves from holding us back. Sometimes we don’t even realize it. Sometimes we’re not giving it a chance, because we’re so quick to cut and run before it gets tough. Sometimes we’re giving it too much of a chance, and letting the past and our memories take hold of us so strongly that we’re not able to be receptive of what’s out there for us.

So when you’re feeling like you’re all the way on the edge of one circle of your Venn diagram, how do you get back to the middle without flinging yourself all the way to the other circle’s edge? How do you keep moving forward with everyone else instead of feeling like you’re falling back at the slightest hiccup?

We don’t have to be one or the other, we can be both. We can be strong but weak. We can be vivacious but calm. We can be social but withdrawn. It’s that 30% or so that’s sometimes the hardest to achieve and maintain, but often, that place of center that we crave and thrive on. How do you get to the center of your Venn diagram?

Photo credit: trialx.com

It’s getting close to that time of year when we set our clocks back one hour, and for one night we lose a little more sleep than usual. It starts to get darker earlier in the day, and as the trees become more bare, and the skies more gray, it seems like maybe life has gone back a little, not just the clocks.

For me, my life seems to mimic the seasons: I feel rejuvenated and ready to tackle new challenges and opportunities in spring and summer, I vigorously clean out my apartment, and am more inclined to meet new people and try new things. And as fall is slowly rolling in, I’m retreating. In the literal sense of the word, fall is my favorite season, and always has been. I love the leaves, the comfort foods, the football, the hoodies and tights, and celebrating my birthday. But the real fall, the falling back, is what’s happening within me. I’m falling back into myself, away from everyone, away from everything. Like the dry leaves shuffling on the ground, I’m restless, waiting for the breeze to pull me in a new direction. Like the night that comes earlier, I’m feeling dark and cool, instead of bright and warm. I’m falling back.

It’s many things and it’s one thing, and I can’t decide. I’m wanting to leave this city and go somewhere completely new, but I love this city and want to stay. I’m happy at work but wondering what I want to do when I grow up. I feel the love of a few close friends, but feel the loss of others.

Between now and winter is the harvest. A time to gather, to nourish, and to share. I may be falling back, but I will rise for occasion, and look for warmth in that glowing orange harvest moon.