As some of you might know, I recently traveled to Germany on vacation for a week. The trip had a dual purpose – to visit Mom while she was there on business, and to get myself the heck out of dodge for a while. I hadn’t been on an extended vacation in quite some time, and I also hadn’t been to a place other than Ohio, Syracuse, or Louisiana in several years either, so this was something I was looking forward to for months. The ultimate goal was to go there and not think about work, or my boyfriend, or the lions, tigers, and bears that the future holds. It’s unrealistic to believe that I would NEVER think about any of those things while I was away, but I do feel that I was able to step away from most of that while I was away, and now that I’ve returned, I have a bit of a new perspective on what lies ahead, but more importantly, on what is happening now in my life.

I didn’t come back with all of my questions answered, and all of my worries absolved, but I was able to sit back and really question why the idea of an uncertain future bothers me so much. Now, I’m not going to go to some lengthy explanation about every single factor in this, but I can say that my mind has been always planned, always prepared for, always on the next calendar week, month, year than my body physically is. But that is so exhausting. Not just to me, but for those who care about me, because geez, why be all stressed about what happens when you’re 26 when you’re barely 25?

I should read my previous posts more often. Because, it’s simple as the fact that I have my health, that I have a loving family, a job, a place to live. It’s as simple as the fact that I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do next, but I don’t have to know right this instant.

Every day, I might just have to remind myself that “If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t go further than my own backyard.”

Now I’m not talking about not smoking (I don’t) or not drinking (I keep a low profile there too) or ditching other ridiculously harmful habits. I don’t really have any of those. But, detoxifying yourself also means mentally, emotionally, and socially. I’ve already been doing well with my workout routine and eating better. It’s time to move on to the big guns.

Tomorrow, I’m taking a step to make this happen. I won’t go into major details, but basically I’m getting a fresh perspective from someone new, someone who can’t take sides. And as part of all this, I’m going to start making choices about what to keep and what to get rid of in my life – and maybe who. We all do things or think things or feel things that aren’t helping us move forward, and that aren’t helping us live in the moment and enjoy life to the fullest. We also all have people in our lives that fall into this category. Maybe they are an old friend who isn’t so much a good friend anymore, or a newer friend that just isn’t panning out, or a family member that isn’t worth the stress either. I know that my biggest problem has always been to just accept that a relationship is over and move on – it’s one of the hardest things I deal with everyday. Those of you who know me more intimately know what this stems from – and I’m taking steps to fix it.  I can spend months agonizing over why my friend or old roommate or family member hasn’t talked to me in months, letting it bother me until it consumes much of my thoughts.

Or, I can learn to place it outside of me and my life, and say, ok, yeah I’m not feeling the love, but they made a decision. Maybe I don’t know the decision, and maybe it had to do with something I did or said, but maybe it didn’t. And realizing that and saying, things will be okay, is the big step. Realizing there are other people I have in my life that care and aren’t going anywhere. You know who you are, those people – and I appreciate it, more than you know.

So, as change comes to our country, and people are trying to keep their resolutions going, I’m making some changes, too. It’s really time.

For readers: What changes are you wanting to make this year?