I’m on quite a delay from my last post, and I thought that it was apropos to write while watching one of my favorite movies, The Wizard of Oz. Strangely enough, this movie is one of the constants in my life. As a child, I remember watching it when a hurricane hit in Louisiana, when I saw my first snowfall (again in Louisiana), and as I’ve grown older, many lazy, rainy afternoons or evenings when I needed something comforting and familiar. No matter what I’m thinking about or preparing for, I can stop and watch Dorothy and her trio of friends face the unknown and scary, and smile at the simplicity and magic of the story.
As some of you might know, I recently traveled to Germany on vacation for a week. The trip had a dual purpose – to visit Mom while she was there on business, and to get myself the heck out of dodge for a while. I hadn’t been on an extended vacation in quite some time, and I also hadn’t been to a place other than Ohio, Syracuse, or Louisiana in several years either, so this was something I was looking forward to for months. The ultimate goal was to go there and not think about work, or my boyfriend, or the lions, tigers, and bears that the future holds. It’s unrealistic to believe that I would NEVER think about any of those things while I was away, but I do feel that I was able to step away from most of that while I was away, and now that I’ve returned, I have a bit of a new perspective on what lies ahead, but more importantly, on what is happening now in my life.
I didn’t come back with all of my questions answered, and all of my worries absolved, but I was able to sit back and really question why the idea of an uncertain future bothers me so much. Now, I’m not going to go to some lengthy explanation about every single factor in this, but I can say that my mind has been always planned, always prepared for, always on the next calendar week, month, year than my body physically is. But that is so exhausting. Not just to me, but for those who care about me, because geez, why be all stressed about what happens when you’re 26 when you’re barely 25?
I should read my previous posts more often. Because, it’s simple as the fact that I have my health, that I have a loving family, a job, a place to live. It’s as simple as the fact that I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do next, but I don’t have to know right this instant.
Every day, I might just have to remind myself that “If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t go further than my own backyard.”
Jenna Sauber 