and suddenly things change. Or do they?
As I’m going through this process of healing, I’m being asked questions that I thought I knew the answer to, but sometimes don’t. I’m being asked questions that I didn’t really think mattered in the context of things, but they do. And sometimes, that means me finding out the answers.
Today, I found out a tiny, miniscule detail to a story that I had first heard years ago – a painful story as it was – and that tiny, little extra detail that I found out today enlightened me to the fact that someone who was supposed to love my mom, and to love me, came thisclose to ending my life when I was just a baby. Turns out, I’m fine and alive, but the damage was done to my mom. And all because of this thing called alcohol that consumes, that changes you, that makes you do things you shouldn’t do. That makes you turn from a nice, handsome, friendly young man into a raging monster.
It’s all in the details.
My immediate thought after hearing the detail: wow, really? I had no idea it was like that…
My next thought: does this change things? does this change the fact that I’ve been reconnecting with this person? does it matter that this little detail was unbeknownst to me until now?
I don’t know what it means. But I guess first, it means more thinking, and yes, more questions.
Jenna Sauber 