A great big world out there…for me

It’s been one month since I made a life-altering decision — to end my 4-year relationship with my boyfriend. Those of you who read this know that I’m pretty transparent about my life, but in this instance, I want to keep things relatively brief as it pertains to “what happened.” Bottom line: we were at different stages in our lives, and need to figure out what we want for ourselves and our futures – and it wasn’t exactly matching up. No one did anything wrong. The truth is that he’s been my best friend for seven years, and neither of us want that to change anytime soon. But the reality is that now, after a roller coaster four years of long distance, I am on my own – really on my own.

One of the most empowering things in this whole process was realizing that there is so much out there for me. I can go anywhere, do anything that I want. I can move to Chicago or San Francisco or London, I can plan for myself and only myself, and I can, to an extent, be a single gal in the city.

As someone who has always feared being alone, being abandoned, being left or not loved anymore, it was also very interesting to be in a situation where I walked away despite feeling very strong emotions for someone. I am stronger because of it, and although I never would have guessed it before it happened, it was almost like a big a relief to say, yes, I can go through something like that and come out on the other side okay. (Note: with a little help from my parents – I can’t thank them enough for their support.)

Stepping out into the day, into the world, newly single, brings on such a mix of emotions. It’s exciting, it’s scary, it’s weird, it’s fun, it’s nerve-wracking, all at once. And I’m not talking about dating – that isn’t going to happen for awhile. But it’s the everyday stuff. When at one time you were going to be engaged by the end of the year and married the next, moving in with someone one month, and buying a new bed the next, and now you’re not…it’s just different. And just in one short month, I have traveled to Philly for the first time to volunteer, made new friends, signed up for another 10k, gotten a promotion, danced the night away again, and made travel plans.

For someone who usually plans down to the last detail and minute, this is new and different for me. I don’t know what will happen in my life in the next six months, or the next year…but strangely, refreshingly, that’s just fine with me.