Googling life, failure, and fear

Next up in my #BeFearless series, is my friend Drew Myers. I first connected with Drew online, over baseball and our shared love of advocacy. I met him in person when we volunteered for a Back on My Feet event in Philly, and the rest is history. You can read more from Drew at his blog, Defining Audacity

I’ve always wanted to write about “using” Google – keep up with my searches over a certain amount of time and blog about it. I thought it would be a unique and interesting peek behind my metaphorical curtain:

– What am I curious about?

– What’s on my mind?

– What interests me?

– What confuses me?

As a retired stay-at-home dad, who is trying to change the world one blog post at a time, I type some interesting things into the Google search bar:

• Teach your toddler to spit

• How do you know if your car seat is installed correctly?

• How often should a toddler poop?

Besides tips on daddyhood, I’m constantly searching for inspirational blog fodder online. Here’s a good search example that resulted in the inspiration for this post:

“What are people’s biggest fears?”

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Guest Post: Synchronized Skater to Social Media Director

An acquaintance from college is the author of Lagniappe’s first guest post. I met Sally-Anne Kaminski in a journalism class, and loved to hear stories about one of her passions — synchronized skating, as well has her dream to be a news anchor. Welcome Sally-Anne! Leave her a comment here or find her on twitter @socialskipper.

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When Jenna sent out a tweet looking for guest bloggers for Lagniappe, I jumped at the opportunity to write. Not long ago, Jenna was writing about me. About a year after I graduated from Miami University in Ohio, she was tasked with interviewing successful young Miami alumni for her job in Miami’s Marketing Communications department. A few emails and a phone call later, she had everything she needed to do my profile. And when it went live on Miami’s site, it was pretty freaking cool.

Those that know me well would agree that I have a pretty expressive, bubbly personality. So all those years ago, I gushed to Jenna about how much I LOVED my job. In fact, I even referred to it as “my dream job.” Cringe.

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Open-ended

For someone who is very routine, very organized and very detailed down to a fault at times, I’ve had to think a lot more about being open-ended. I used to arrange my books and CDs not only by genre, but alphabetically by author or artist. I have to do lists on top of to do lists, and I like putting dates on the calendar years out. Although there are times when I say, sure let’s go grab a drink after work today, there are also times when I think, eehhhh, I need to go home and work out and make a healthy dinner.

All that aside, now is when I’m having to be more open-ended and open-minded about my life and the path it’s taking. Having a long-distance boyfriend about to start his third and final year of law school is a big part of this – it basically means that exactly a year from now, I have no idea where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to just follow him to wherever he gets a job – it’s a joint decision – know that now. But, there is a very real possibility that I could be moving to a place that isn’t near the top of my list, or taking on a job that I didn’t think about a year ago or even now.

At one point – that would have scared me to a ridiculous degree. I would have been making pros and cons lists of every factor going into this arrangement, and trying to pinpoint a date when my life would change and all the things I’d have to do between now and then. But now, I’m slowly settling into a different approach. I’m realizing that things may not be as I originally planned, and that’s okay. I’m realizing that I may not go where I thought I would, but that it may turn out for the best. I realize that when you choose to share your life with someone else, there are so many other things that come into play than just yourself – and I think that’s the thing that I struggle with the most. Me vs. us. Yes I might have always thought there would be an “us” in my life, but it doesn’t really hit home until you start getting to that moment.

I spoke to a close friend from college tonight who is getting married in a year. A year ago, before she met her fiancee, she didn’t want to live more than hour from home, she was nervous about traveling abroad, and thought she was a long way off from finding the love of her life. Tonight, she was glowing about living in her new apartment in a new city, looking for another new job, and preparing for a trip to Italy with a friend in coming weeks. She reminded me of a conversation we’d had soon after we left college, when I urged her to take risks, to not be afraid of change, to embrace change. Now, I see myself having the same conversation with my boyfriend – and honestly, I could listen to myself sometimes. I am no stranger to moving, to trying new things and putting myself on the line for something I want, but I’m realizing that a big risk is also going to be figuring out how to balance my needs and wants with that of the person I marry.

Anyway – many of you know that I’m a couple years off from marrying anyway, but again, as the person I am, I think about this stuff. I’m just working towards not thinking so much and just being and doing, and letting it be more of an open, dirt road than a paved one with mile markers and dotted lines.